Contract
• BDSM Practices
Feeling what can only be described as an expanding yet measured sense of erotic power I have recently been wondering if it might be time for us to have a contract drawn up that reflects our relationship. This isn’t something I think is essential, but given how much pet likes tangible evidence, I figured it may be a gift in the same way the collar is.
The contract wouldn’t be very specific, but might provide a brief outline of the rules and flags which can be used to determine what level of play, if any, we are at at a given time. Also it would cover guidelines for when I’m not 100% in control and guiding pet, such as encouragement to keep excessive masturbation curbed.
Another important aspect is that the slave’s veto will be a bigger element than in most contracts which are usually a 24/7 thing. Maybe in the end it will be more of an ‘aggreement of intent’ than a contract, but we’ll see.
Some things need to be worked out a bit more clearly before a decent contract could be written, but I may have a go at filling in what I can, and simply revise it as our relationship evolves. I’ve told Richard that he will be able to edit or even rewrite parts of it, by means of negotiation, since something that railroads him unhappily could be bad for the relationship further down the line. I don’t think we have any conflicts so this isn’t much of an issue…
One question, are there any rules for the Dominant in a typical contract? Most of my rules are based around handling my pet with care, respect and insight so it seems I may not need any, but I’m open to suggestions.
Comments
About terms for dominants:
I have read a lot of these contracts while working on one for myself a while back, and the answer that I think you will find is twofold:
1) Most do not, and mostly from the fact that they are written as one way agreements, either because the dominant is one of the “I am everything and you don’t matter excep as I want” type — fitting what someone whom I suspect is your other half called the Femdom Police stereotype, I think — or because no one was thoughtful enough to raise the question that you raised here.
2) Alternatively, the dominant role is written very broadly, suggesting that the dominant will take care of the submissive, punish the submissive promptly for errors, and so on.
Personally, I think the latter is probably better — not so much from a contractual standpoint but from the standpoint of showing some thought and caring. After all, one of the main points of the slave contract has got to be to cause the parties to think through and discuss what how they want to build their relationship. That is a two way street.
Posted by: Cuhulin | February 15, 2006 9:32 PM
I believe you’ll find that Pat Califia’s “Sensuous Magic” (well worth a read in any case) has some contracts in it (just two) which include rules for both the dominant and the submissive.
I did a good deal of research into contracts on-line and some on-line include rules for both.
I myself feel that’s only fair.
Keep in mind things ended with my last pet before our contract was completed (I had written up some rules and responsibilities for both of us; he was crafting it into a contract). So I cannot claim to be an expert.
Posted by: R | February 28, 2006 6:38 PM
Thank-you both for the advice. Certainly this isn’t going to be a very fancy affair, more symbolic and a little instructive. This is going to be a short way down the road yet for now though. We do have Sensuous Magic so I’ll be able to look that up.
Posted by: Alexandra | March 2, 2006 1:40 AM