Safety Valve
• Communication
One of the biggest problems, one which I feel may be resolved now (though there is no real way of telling until real life interaction happens), is that of Richard’s desires building up on him and bearing down on him in such a way that it affected his mood. In his defence I think mostly this was caused by the stressful events and other stressors, perhaps combined with lack of experience (we are both actually fairly new to actually living D/s).
What I’m suggesting is a way of Richard to write down any intense feelings he has - not publically on a website but perhaps on the computer or paper (I would prefer the latter if possible). Richard didn’t want to ‘nag’ at me and some of our dynamics got messed up, but with this kind of system I would at least have an insight into any strong feelings that may be hard to verbalize.
This could take the form of a weekly written report of his feelings, or just occurr when needed. Either way it has to work for both of us to be effective, but something like this might help me a fair bit. The other option is just to talk. We do a lot of talking but there are some low-level things which may benefit from this kind of exposure.
This is just an initial idea which I’d like to bounce a little.
Comments
My first thought was that I hope this isnt necessary. Not that Id mind writing a report (you know me).
Ive just been feeling so good about things lately it is hard to imagine the need. But not impossible. And we communicate so well.
But I may find myself having fantasies or desires that I for some reason feel lucky to talk about. Id need to be mindful to take notes to keep them alive in my mind. And maybe present you with a report on some set day like the end of my workweek.
I can always count on your beloved to watch out for and take care of me.
Posted by: Richard | February 15, 2006 10:34 PM
As the Domme of a pet with a tendency to obsess and stress, I can relate!
I know, for pet, what often works is instructions of self care and removal from the situation. I usually send him to work out in the garage, or to a friend’s house with video games. Sometimes, on extreme occasions, I will require a small alcoholic beverage (we’re not much for mind altering substances, usually, we are lightweights ;).
Anyway, just thought I would share what works for us—often getting away from the initial stressor gives perspective when one returns to it later.
Posted by: Her | February 16, 2006 2:14 PM