What I'd Like From An Extended Session
• Communication
Pet has asked me what sort of things I’d be looking for in a first attempt at a prolonged session.
Firstly, I think it’s sensible to keep it mild, with peaks in intensity when both parties seem willing and able.
There would be the ground rules: Basic protocol (I can’t be bothered with the complicated stuff). No standing, no furniture use, addressing me with the correct honorific (which defaults to Goddess but changes to Mistress when I’m displeased), kissing my feet after absent from my company, no initiating eye contact and a submissive demeanor enforced with unpleasant punishment (bad pain, ignorement (my new word), the pinwheel, nipple caning). Encouraged to behave like a pet, to get my attention in the manner that a pet does (nudging head against legs and feet).
Bondage. This is as much for pet as for me. Wrist and arm cuffs worn all the time, perhaps with frequent changing of encumbering bondage. I particularly like the testicle connections we tried out here.
Random acts of cruelty and humiliation. No lead in. If I suddenly get a sadistic urge in an otherwise soft scene (which I do, my pretties), I should act on it. I admit, oftentimes when pet is very submissive and loving I get this urge to hurt hum, maybe even upset him. Usually I don’t for fear of damaging him - he’s been through a lot recently and with his flagging masochism I realize he could possibly do without it. But if he agrees to be my slave for a day - who knows? These activities would be things such as slapping, namecalling, roughing-up in a mild way (I’m dying to rough him up, but I have to be careful).
Food control. Pet wouldn’t get much food. Mostly my scraps and bad tasting crap eaten out of a bowl or off the floor. This is one area where I can get cruel without worrying about harming him mentally or physically. The starvation may need a lead-in fasting period before the session begins to make it work right. I mean, the hunger has to have a grip.
Mild conditioning and behaviour moulding. Blackmailing. If you do this I won’t do this to you. Choices between the frying-pan and the fire. Forcing pet to affirm his servitude to me in words as well as actions.
Play. I may ask pet if he’d like to play, do a certain activity. This would be like normal play sessions we have together. During pain play pet would be encouraged to express himself. I’d particularly like it if he could express displeasure in pain or discomfort in a submissive way. This comes under conditioning I guess, but I’d like to encourage this. The idea of pet begging me to stop makes me melt.
Sleeping. Pet would sleep with his cuffs and collar on, hopefully on the floor (I’ll make him a bed out of blankets). Perhaps we could experiment with sleep deprivation.
Other activities - I would make him drink my piss a lot, piss on his food and on him. Sadly pet can’t fit comfortably in the bath, but we’re toying with the idea of having a hitching ring in the garden for ignorement and piss torture.
I am a little bit concerned about biting off more than I can chew, so we could possibly do a trial run of 8 hours or the latter half of a day. The sadomasochistic aspect of our relationship, whilst still very much alive, has been undergoing some strains and stresses. I’ve been changing an awful lot and it has changed the way I think about kink and myself, etc… Pet has had trouble living up to the pain sponge reputation and expectation he has built up with me - so I will try to be more encouraging and show as much appreciation as I can for his suffering.
I’ve certainly noticed how much it turns him on when I explain what his masochism - whatever he can offer - does for me.
Comments
I read your post very carefully because I was writing exactly this kind of thing about a year ago. You have thought things out really well (much better than me, lol), I think you’ll find you’ve written something that makes a great guideline when you move into extended play.
Some thoughts re sol’s and my experience: We’d go down to our play cabin and plan a couple of days play and I’d find within 24 hours I’d be utterly rooted (so to speak). Sol of course was still raring to play. So the trick was to work out a way of utilizing MY time / domme energy within the concept of “extended play”.
So now we have a lot of rituals at the cabin (or at home, if we have a play day). Sol strips off, wears cuffs and collar, does all the cooking and cleaning, potters around happily in subspace while I relax, get pampered, lie in bed and read, have a bath drawn, etc. Then about 3pm I start slipping into my own dominant space, start reviewing the things I’ve planned for the next scene, read a couple of favourite BDSM books to get me in the mood.
Why leave playing so late in the day? Because we found that was when we felt best, and when our moods / desires were both in tune. Sol had the day to build up anticipation. I had the day to, well, relax…lol
At about 4pm sol gets ready per whatever instructions I’ve given (which might be: prepare dinner, have a bath, make sure the following toys are clean and laid out, then be seated on your doggie mat with cuffs and collar on by 4.30).
I get dressed, or more often undressed a little before that time (again a ritual that moves me into domme mode) then go out and join him. We then play intensely for a couple of hours. Aftercare involves him quickly serving up dinner and getting ourselves both into bed to eat it, and usually some gentle love follows. We are often asleep by 9pm.
The next day we go through a similar routine. The service element (sometimes with a little added incentive like a ball stretcher) keeps sol happily in the right head space all day, with the promise of intensive play late in the day. Or I might impose a puppy day (he sleeps on the floor, goes walkies, eats from his pet bowl, always has the lead attached to something, including at night). Meanwhile my domme mode time is carefully conserved to last.
This kind of time allocation might be worth trying. I’d also cut the intense play to one hour, for the first few times. The time limit is good because it pushes you to be creative. But the rest of the day is - for you, not Richard of course - relaxing. With the promise of lots of fun, to … er … come..
Ms160 Ms160s Abode
FetishLore
Posted by: M | May 22, 2007 2:48 AM
Thanks Ms160, that’s interesting to read how you two do it. Conserving energy sounds like a good plan since I know being in charge for long periods of time can be draining, even for people who enjoy it :)
I think we are going to start off with some pet play combined with very light S+M. I’m aware of how easy it is to bite of more than you can chew at first!
Posted by: Alexandra | May 22, 2007 7:16 PM
Extended scenes are so often something can easily conflict both in expectation and in desire between top and bottom that it’s the sort of thing that really needs to be well-thought out ahead of time, as you’ve clearly done. I think that might be because the rise and fall of intensity also means it’s difficult for players to keep in tune. At least, that’s been my experience, anyway.
Good post, and thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Posted by: maymay | May 26, 2007 8:37 PM