Sensual Sadist

Alexandra, since I know I have been one of the women paying attention to Richard these past few days, please accept my most sincere apologies for having a part in making you feel this way.

I’ve heard that “no good deed goes unpunished.” But the truth is, “no change goes unpunished.”

I understand perfectly why four to six months a year is not enough and that you are young which makes it harder still. As you say it’s none of my or anyone elses business, but I do see why you feel compelled to branch out. However, when you blog about your personal life others tend to think of it as thier business. Right or wrong it’s a very human reaction.

That said, it’s natural to feel sorry for Richard. You made the change; he did not. In most people’s eyes that makes you the bad guy. I don’t necessarily think so, but you must see that that was bound to be the general perception. You must also see that he is hurting too. Actually, that is unfair, I’m sure you do see that.

I’m sorry if other dommes have steped in already. That sort of crime is usually self punishing. Rebound relationships so often go sour.I admit to responding to Richard’s posts about how to go about looking. If he’s going to look, he’s going to look.

One of the things about breaking up is that you find out who your friends are and are not. Try to avoid makeing them choose betwen you. It’s hardly fair and when forced most people choose not to be forced.

None of this is BDSM or vanilla thing. If you had been bloging about a straight relationship I think the reactions including the other women stepping in so soon would have happend just the same. It’s just the way of the world.

I meant to offer sympathy, and I see what I have written might not be taken that way. Let me try again:

I recomend a stiff drink, a hot bath, and a short vacation from the web.

Take care and try not to grind your teeth too much,

Switch.

I think any attempt I make to sound unbiased will fail since there’s a lot of context I’m missing, but I did want to comment and say that despite my obvious differences from you, I can very clearly relate to what you’re feeling. There have been (unfortunately) numerous situations where I felt disregarded by the actions of others who are seemingly too busy paying attention to a lover than paying me any mind. I doubt that helps you any emotionally (it wouldn’t make me feel better if our situations were reversed), but I thought it worth saying.

I think (and hope) that you’ve got my email address, if you occasion to desire a private conversation.

Alexandra, I know your TS journey is a very difficult one, and one that most people cannot even fathom. On top of that you have disclosed to us many of your own very normal difficulties with relationships and such. You bear a particular set of burdens, and for that I admire and respect you very much. You are being true to yourself. Experience, grieve, and get through the inevitable bad parts as best you can, but also truly enjoy the enjoyable parts. You will be in my thoughts.

Eileen - thanks for letting me know that. For what it’s worth, you have my respect. This is just very difficult for me and I do wish Richard success in his search, it was just too much to have it go on right in front of my face. I’m sure at least some dominant women would be able to relate to this.

Switch - Helping Richard isn’t what felt like stepping on my toes. Helping Richard is helping me, as far as I’m concerned.

maymay - thanks for your kind words and understanding. I never know what to say in emails about things like this but it’s nice to know you are there for me.

I do relate to the difficulties you voiced. I’m sorry to hear that my actions gave you these impressions; I had meant them as encouragement for Richard, not as a furthering of a personal interest. Don’t know if that helps or not. In any case, my respect and best wishes to you as well.

I may well have over-reacted. Certainly I felt very frustrated. And I’ve never been in this situation before - it’s peculiar.

I should make it clear I was only angry at the time of posting and these feelings weren’t directed at anyone in particular - they were a reaction which I needed to get off my chest. I did recognize that this was probably encouragement for Richard only, but the emotions have a life of their own sometimes.

I’m tempted to delete it now, but I generally don’t like deleting and editing posts - it seems somehow dishonest.

QueSera - thanks honey for your positive thoughts. To be honest, being TS feels easy now. It’s one of those things that seems almost impossible unless you happen to be forced to live it.

The gender dysphoria is gone and that’s the main thing. That was really one of the most awful things in the world.

but the emotions have a life of their own sometimes

That I definitely relate to. And also to the benefit of using writing for catharsis. Sometimes it just has to be said.

As for deleting the post, I agree with you that deleting and editing doesn’t sit well. Besides which, having a record of emotional states can be amazingly helpful when trying to understand one’s own head.

After my first serious relationship ended, I didn’t speak to the man for ten years.

A couple of years after that, this seemed very foolish to me.

But then I broke up with someone else a couple of years ago. And I didn’t stay silent.

Having seen what happens (at least with me) in that situation, now not speaking to someone, for fear of being rude, hostile, or just immensely, terribly, needy and sad seems very logical.

If difficult for the person on the receiving end.

Best to you.