Lifestyles and Identities
• Evolution of Our Relationship
Recently Richard and I have spoken a lot about our relationship and where we want to go with it. I am becoming more self-aware and also more interested in the world around me. You may not know, but when puberty hit me those years ago, it was like a part of me got buried. Only fairly recently has it felt like my life has resumed, thanks to my doctors who thankfully have been very understanding.
As I gain interest in myself I also find myself realizing how extraordinary Richard is. He’s a complex and multi-faceted person like myself.
During a recent conversation he said there were very rare moments where he wondered if I needed somebody who was a more stereotypical ‘subbie hubbie’ type of a guy. I was sad at the prospect that we might be somehow mismatched and that I may have made him uncomfortable, and moments later I was accepting the thought that maybe I would be compatible with one of those guys. But I’m not in love with a subbie hubbie, I am in love with Richard.
While it seems my own desires and wants may be increasing, and I feel more sexually-Dominant-identified (in part due to feedback from him), I want to keep in mind Richard’s identity and state of mind as I grow. Since he wants to please me it causes great grief in him if I ask him to do something he feels he can’t do. Then ensues a feedback cycle between us of worry and concern.
When I gave him my initial affirmations written about a few entries back he was so distraught that he lost sleep over it. Rather than seeing this as a block from getting what I want (or need), instead it served to remind me of just how much power and responsibility I have already - not to mention how much I hate hurting him unintentionally.
We both want a more kinky life with more reinforcement of our respective roles, him in chastity (which I am really looking forwards to :) and spending more time as my pet. But I won’t be rushing in because even if change is rapid for me and the desire is there in him, it’s best to take these things slowly and gradually, one step at a time, and enjoy the journey.