What I Have Learned in 200 Posts
• Evolution of Our Relationship
This is my 200th post on Sensual Sadist. I don’t write as much as my boyfriend, as you’ve probably noticed. But writing about my explorations and feelings has added the power of words to my otherwise abstract journey, and words, flawed though they are, are a good way of sorting your feelings out.
During writing I have discovered many things but of course it’s not just the writing. It has been my relationship with my pet male upon which I’ve based my inner explorations.
One of the most important things I’ve realized is how important it is to accept who you are, with your strengths and weaknesses. Despite being into BDSM for a long time, I’ve only recently began to feel at ease with thinking myself as a sexually dominant, kinky girl.
The sad thing is that when I was fighting, I’d often overlook the praise I was getting from my pet, my own achievements and make up excuses that it was all an act or in some way contrived. Especially when the world has me feeling not-so-great.
But happily I can say that I am just learning to accept it, let it be, and enjoy it as much as I can. Now when Richard tells me I’m an amazing top I can really conceive of it and believe it. This will make it more rewarding for us both, I’m sure.
If you’re questioning what people refer to as your ‘dominance’ I would just ask yourself how holding a whip (or something that works for you) makes you feel. If you get a good feeling from that and what it symbolizes then you have at the least some kind of dominant streak and of course you don’t have to be perfect!
Comments
I am so happy to hear that your mindset is changing, that you’re taking pride and pleasure in being a dominant woman.
Posted by: Myles | February 20, 2007 5:30 AM
Thanks Myles :)
Posted by: Alexandra | February 20, 2007 9:13 PM