Aftercare For The Dominant
• Headspaces
After the terrible night of the piss and a lot of sitting around, we spent a while with him locked in my arms kissing. We both needed aftercare and while I know pet needed it, I think I benefited more so from that aftercare session than any other.
When things go wrong it’s easy to let the baggage pile up. “He’s not being truly submissive”, “He doesn’t understand my needs”, “We aren’t going to be able to keep this thing going” are all natural thoughts to pass through your mind after something has gone wrong or you feel let down. It is when these thoughts become persistent that they become corrosive.
Seeing how distressed pet felt reminded me once again of the power I have, that we share. It made me realize he’s only doing this stuff for me. Doing his best for me. He may seek enjoyment but by it’s nature much of it is indirect, through me.
By returning to the romantic love we share it allows us to put things in perspective. So that the next day I still don’t look at him and feel that something is unfinished, still not set right.
Part of me regrets that on that night when I felt dissatisfied I didn’t tie him up and beat him senseless. That’s what I would have liked to have done in ideal circumstances, and I think it would have been a good experience for us both - had it gone right. But sadly when things are going wrong it’s the very uncertainty that causes the need for punishment, that causes you to wonder if it would do more harm than good.
Dominants rarely speak of enjoying aftercare and for me it’s usually a time of quiet motherly leadership and reassuring affection, but I’m lucky in that my pet has a nurturing, almost motherly streak of his own (I have noted that at rare times he almost becomes womanly, though not in an overtly feminine way). Letting me squeeze him possessively and having him rub my worries away has always been a blessing for all aspects of my psyche.
Comments
I’m in the middle of writing one of my BDSM for Beginners posts, on aftercare. I hope you won’t mind me quoting your post above. I think you have made some extremely important points.
Its rare to find anything meanful written on aftercare for Dom/mes. I know. Because I went looking for it when I needed it. As you say its important to not let things build up, but sometimes communication just ceases. I once spent days - DAYS! - in silence not talking to solipsist because I could not think how to tell him a scene had gone bad on me. I was terrified in those early days he would take anything negative to mean I did not want to continue our D/s journey. So I caused endless angst by going silent.
The things we do …. lol
Ms160
Posted by: Mistress160 | May 13, 2007 2:13 PM
No, that would be wonderful if my writing can be used as a piece of something larger and that may benefit people! That’s one of my main reasons for writing after all. Thanks :)
Posted by: Alexandra | May 13, 2007 10:03 PM
I’ve never even HEARD someone talk about aftercare for the Dom! But of course, it makes so much sense. Bookmarks post
Posted by: Anonymous | June 2, 2007 2:32 AM