Emotional Sadism
• Headspaces
A while ago I told pet that I sometimes have the desire, an erotic drive, to make men sad - with consent and with the hope that after the fact it will be looked back on by both of us as a positive experience.
Actually, it works with all negative emotions - fear, doubt, helplessness, sorrow.
I don’t have any experience in this field, or I should say, not much, since our regular playing has touched upon this from time to time, but I think when I laid it out like this he was a little bit shocked. I have to admit I am a little ambivalent about this myself, too.
Creating strong emotions in the other sex is, well, it’s certainly powerful in the right context. This does not mean I am a psycho leading men off into destructive melodrama - far from it. I am very self-aware and have a lot of empathy. I look at it as a similar way to the way sexual sadists conventionally use pain. Negative emotions are pain, just emotional pain.
Call me sick, but I think sadness can be beautiful. Provided it doesn’t become corrosive, obsessive, irrational - like a disease - unhappiness is something I can look back to with a sense of wonder. Like a serene, still and lonely place which you’d rather leave but is fascinating nonetheless.
To appreciate this you need to be mentally sound, just as you couldn’t appreciate a physical ‘torment’ if your body was physically unwell and able to process the pain. In the past I have to admit I’ve been attracted to men with a masochistic, self-destructive streak. Maybe even a weakness. But while I may have wanted to deliver a little of the destruction, I also wanted to cure, to nurture. To give him what he needs and make him stronger.
Does that sound crazy?
Pet has had a terrible experience with a real destructive, out-of-control person - his ex lover. This was nothing kinky… Pet’s ex also had fantasies of ruining men, using and discarding them, and pet knows I’m saner than that. I see the negative emotions as a territory to be explored (by him, under my guidance), rather than somewhere to shove people so that they deteriorate and I can get what I want.
Though of course, getting what I want is always pretty hot.
Comments
quite a thin line you are walking here
Posted by: fswerk | June 19, 2007 8:36 AM