Erotic Dominance and Personality
• Headspaces
I remember reading a guide for submissives and at one stage it said to observe the domme being dominant in every-day life to get a feel of how dominant she is. This threw me because my general personality is somewhat neutral as opposed to dominant, and I actually became interested in erotic dominance because it seemed like a chance to become more dominant. I was a slightly bossy and confident child but when I hit puberty I went through a lot of troubled times and weird stuff which left me shellshocked and on the verge of losing my mental stability. I would say I am pretty headstrong but it left my confidence in tatters. D/s is for me a way of rediscovering my assertion and sense of authority. Of course, D/s isn’t the whole healing process, which has been going on for years. I would consider it the final stage in self re-discovery.
Do you submissives need a top who is very assertive in real life, or do you go more for personality nuances and chemistry? It seems to me like a lot of online subs looking for dommes simply look for the meanest bitch they can find and fall in love. Richard certainly doesn’t worship me because of my harsh and competetive attitude towards life ;), but more because of who I am, the journey I am on, my artistry and sensual mastery. But we are in a relationship of which D/s is just a small complimentary part.
Are there any dominants out there who don’t feel dominant in real life? Submissives who can only submit to someone who they feel is ‘superior’ to them? Do you think we like to adopt a role in fantasy which is the opposite to what we normally are, or do we use it as an extension of our normal self?
Or is it much more complicated than that?…
Comments
I love you because …
Romantic love is like genius in a sense: an accumulation of an unknowably many subtle things that in their combination something that is at least a bit beyond explanation (so far).
If it could be explained adequately then it could be reproduced at will.
Which is a typically Ricardian sort of way of saying I know why I love you – sort of – but could never really sum it up in words.
I certainly love and worship your Goddess side but that is only on aspect of it all.
Posted by: Richard | September 12, 2005 8:04 PM
Posting many comments at once it would seem. In my day to day life, I would not say that I am dominant, but I do have a habit of taking charge when it is obvious that others will not. The dominance is something between my boyfriend and I and it is not a daily thing. I like to think we compliment each other well, how it seems you and Richard do as well. As he said in his comment, it is one part of many that make up a good relationship. I enjoy reading both of your blogs and find it encouraging on my own road.
Lisa
Posted by: Lisa | September 29, 2005 4:50 PM
That’s wonderful to hear. It does sound like you have a similar relationship to me and Richard. Glad to know my writings helped some, if only a little. Some of what I do is inspired by what I have heard others say so it’s nice to continue the circle.
Posted by: Alexandra | September 29, 2005 5:10 PM