Obsessed? Me?!
• Headspaces
It would appear that I am obsessed. Pet has had a bad stomach for a few days, amongst other ills, and it’s causing problems for him. Hell, any sexual appetite can be ruined by stomach pain, we can all relate to that.
Maybe I have been a little too focussed on getting what I want. In a way it’s like being a needy attention whore. “Why don’t we worship me?” “How about a nice kick in the balls?” “Do you want to try that new flogger one more time?”. Sometimes it’s enough just to spend quality time together, but when I follow that up with “as top and bottom” I wonder what exactly is going on in my brain. Not that I begrudge myself these urges.
Yesterday pet said that he felt my constant looking for ways into play and my monitoring of his submission has started to make it difficult for him. That’s understandable. That’s not to say we haven’t adapted to a lighter, more freeform style of play successfully recently, but maybe too much overt enthusiasm for my wicked ends is putting a strain on our time together.
The other day we got into space without really playing. Pet sat on the floor, which is something he’s been doing more of recently, and we spent a lot of quality time together just interacting. I want to know, do I want to feel like a top because it’s some obsession I have, or because it’s part of who I am? I obviously have my hunches but I like to look at the broader picture that the question opens. Recently I’ve felt close to topspace almost all the time which proves either that I’m more liberated or more demented : )
Comments
Having had a seemingly indestructible stomach most of my life I didn’t appreciate how even slight nausea can just shut so much of you down.
I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. I just sort of need to ‘forget’ that are missing play the more easily to get myself able to play. A watched penis never hardens or something like that.
Posted by: Richard | May 11, 2007 10:15 PM
You spend much of the year apart, and it’s only natural to want to tear into him as much as possible when you’re together.
Posted by: roo-roo | May 12, 2007 12:00 AM