On Forcing Myself to Write
• Headspaces
The paradoxical thing about my weblog is that my pet talked me into starting it and sometimes ‘nags’ at me to update it. This is probably a first in D/s history since normally it’s the other way around, with the Domme telling the submissive to start a diary of humiliation to share with the world.
There is a part of me inside that feels that “Those who do not know, speak; those that do not speak, know”. Or something like that anyway. That’s not to say that communication and sharing of knowledge is a bad thing, but more a feeling that speaking about the relationship openly to an ‘audience’ often goes against my Dominant feelings, which would involve talking to Richard in private only and certainly not showing any of my weaknesses or fears.
However, since fear of showing fear or weakness actually sounds like a weakness to me, and the fact that I enjoy writing and self-exploration, I decided to rise to the challenge. I’ve spoken about things that at one stage in my life seemed impossible to share with anybody. I’ve had to admit to thoughts which I still find suprising to this day, and various other topics which aren’t easy to approach.
No, I’m not worried about judgement from web-idiots. It’s just an instinct within. To keep quiet. Why should the Dominant explain? To her close ones, yes? But to the world?
The answer is this: It’s satisfying in many ways, and the positive outweighs the negative. By revealing my emotions there’s a small chance I could make a minor fool out of myself. But by being open and honest and accountable, not to mention in favour of all that is safe, sane and wholesome, we can show people that we are just ‘normal’ human beings too, with an idiosyncratic world all of our own to explore as well as the universal language of love and sensuality.
The other reward is that it is nice to hear from other kinksters and people who think along similar lines erotically who may be able to relate to a problem I am having or vice-versa. And of course just to know you are not alone is nice.
Comments
I’m just greedy for your words beloved.
We have great conversations: those are as much of a joy in our relationship as anything else. Sometimes I guess I hope seeing some things stated at a distance, in a weblog entry, will give me extra insight.
And it is fun to share and meet – virtually – folks who share some of our kinks.
Posted by: Richard | January 14, 2006 11:47 PM