Soft Control and the Erotic Spectrum
• Headspaces
One of the breakthroughs we had before the two-week slump was the exploration of the area between dominance and conventional sensuality. I like this area because of the ambiguity and duality, two things I find charging and exciting.
The ‘soft control’ space is something I can enter easily into, even though sometimes I don’t for various reasons. Looking back I think I have done it to a perhaps lesser extent with past boyfriends and affairs without even thinking about what it was. Instead of being a mutual exchange, I take charge of the erotic flow of whatever we’re doing, be it cuddling or being horizontal in the bedroom. I am contrilling with my arms and body weight, take control of kissing, doing it forcefully with my lover’s head held firmly in place by a gentle/firm grasp of his hair. My groping is more aggressive and I alternate softness with teasing pain. I don’t keep my fingernails long merely for aesthetic value.
Sometimes I force him to stand with me while I dance to angular, aggressive music (we’re not talking heavy rock here). Richard is not a dancer and so I transfer movements and energy to him in a semi-forceful way. Traditionally it’s the man who leads dancing but there is no ‘traditionally’ on our road map. During softer pieces, I use gentler motions and concentrate more on sensuality than rhythm - focusing on his body as much as my own.
When things are right with us, his arousal will be obvious. That’s the way it is with a man. It is so obvious you can literally lead him by his own pleasure - either physically or mentally. Leading a man somewhere by the erection I have caused is one of those feelings where I can easily slip into domme mode. The focus of passion and eroticism burns one shade off of the scale and into distortion - sadistic control. Going to this place in a gradual journey together, as opposed to agreeing to meet there, is a very fulfilling and sexual/spiritually energizing experience for me.
Comments
I have to smile since this ‘spectrum’ is part of one of my own planned entries.
Each gradation of dominance and submission we’ve had together has been a gift. From your taking the lead, ‘putty space,’ to the harshest nights: each has been a distinct joy.
I remember thinking that night that the erection you’d caused as a testimony to the eternal power of the feminine over the masculine. Little did I guess that my own cock would shortly serve as a leash. It was a wonderful. Thank you.
Posted by: Richard | July 4, 2005 1:16 PM
Its great. Ill told my friends. Its my page
Posted by: asstraffic | July 4, 2005 9:30 PM