Suffering the Loss
• Headspaces
Thank you all for the support we have recieved in this difficult time. Richard losing his ex boyfreind has been for me a strange and sad experience and for Richard a somewhat painful ordeal. Although I have tried to be of as much comfort as I can, I am sure there is some private course of mourning which I, even as his lover and domme, am unable to touch. A sort of sacred process with which it is only right that I have no real part in.
I have still been getting dominant urges. As you can read, we were on something of a roll when the tragedy struck. To note that somebody’s passing can mess with your kink life sounds petty, but it’s a fact and something we have to deal with. With a limited amout of time before I have to return to England, there is a fine line between getting my time’s worth, and forcing matters (this is true of all thinks kinky and not).
While I have been feeling mildly dominant and in need of some playful fun, I sensed Richard needed something more - total domination to take his mind and ego away - submissive escapism. Feeling slightly damaged by the experiences of late I don’t feel I’ve been able to do that. Many times I have hinted that I would like to inflict pain in a fun and informal kind of way, but Richard has been hesitant.
I am pretty much emotionally healed now. Richard’s process I am sure will be a lot longer, and I sometimes feel a disconnect, though I know his primary aim is to spend as much quality time with me as possible. I am hoping for the same.
Comments
Hopefully I’ll be better able now to step out of my desire for harsher domination and not be so damned hesitant.
Posted by: Richard | July 28, 2005 2:25 PM