The Politics of Pain
• Headspaces
We are continuing to play around a little every couple of days. Last night, for example, after pet’s ritualistic licking of my shoes (a pair which had become dusty from not being used for over a year), I had him sit upright on the floor with his legs apart so I could repeatedly kick him in the nuts.
“How romantic,” you say. Well I think so. Cleaning your girlfriend’s shoes so she can kick you in the ghoulies by way of thanks shows devotion. That he will let me do something so painful and strange (the sensations it produces are often more uncomfortably weird than they are painful - apart from the heavier blows) shows trust.
I am beginning to crave some form of structured ritual which emphasizes these aspects of our relationship, and a few more besides. Pet writes about the concept beautifully here.
After the kicking we didn’t do anything for a while and then we decided to do some pain play. For a change, like. I bound his arms together and bent him over the couch. Pet wrote about it here but the main feature of this session was that I whaled into him despite his obvious discomfort, and he had to call the safeword (though, after an impressive period of time in which I was perhaps a little selfish).
Some pain the masochist simply enjoys. Some is borderline, and then the rest is just plain painful. Not in a morbidly bad way like stubbing your toe, but more like red hot pokers. The latter pain is something I enjoy inflicting and am much more comfortable administering these days, though if he didn’t enjoy at least some of the pain in a session in a directly pleasurable way I would feel that something is wrong.
As always we feel our incursions give us both some kind of insight, even if they don’t end the way we would want them to, or something else goes wrong. I learned that I dislike the flat tone that pet’s vocalizations (usually “Oww!”) take. He sounds like he’s getting pissed off but the trick here is that he’s pissed off at himself… for not being able to take it - rather than at me. An important lesson.
I’d like for him to plead more for me to stop, but this creates complications. We’ve agreed that begging me to stop does not mean I will stop, because I enjoy the possibility of resistance play, though we haven’t done much of that.
So for now the only way out is either the safeword (which is “safeword” - I mean, why invent a new word to be the safeword when the word “safeword” it’s-self is perfectly unused in scene contexts), or for pet to plead with me in a way that causes me to take pity.
I’m not sure how the latter would work out but it’s a prospect that I find moving.