Sensual Sadist

I forgot one fairly interesting point about this: Would getting angry actually change someone and stop them getting bored?

Obviously it varies from person to person but I think it’s a good hinge question to start with.

Why would you think a slave should not be bored at times?

I understand the risk of falling out of role, but one purpose for the footstool would be to teach one to stay in role even when doing nothing — and, therefore, having nothing to occupy one’s mind, leading to boredom.

tom

Also on SSBB and femdom:

There are a number of ways around it, but maybe the most likely one is for both of you is compromise. Instead of getting Richard the Footstool anytime she wants, Alexandra might consider putting this near the beginning of you scenes or during breaks in more exciting play. So your perspective might change from boredom to anticipation as you crouch down, waiting for what comes next, knowing that you’re already serving her.

I usually pick just one main D/s relationship, especially if my submissive is also similarly committed. That means I avoid doing off-limits activities, and put the things that my partner isn’t wild about into special categories.

I used to have a slave who liked to retain huge enemas and then run around my apartment. I thought this was grotesque, and a risk to my new broadloom, but I knew that if I needed to do something quite terrible, it would really heat up my slave. From their standpoint, any enema might leat to the longed for/dreaded ‘Big One’.

I have the habit of being quite sensitive to pet’s moods. If he drops out of role, I tend to back off. I think (for me) it is the fact that expecting obedience is just not something that most people do. I feel guilty for asking such outrageous things of him, despite his given consent.

I try to remember that he gave his consent, so what does it matter what mood he’s in? He can get bored. Just a week ago I bound his hands and was playing with many different things, and I watched him zone out bored. I just kept going, focusing on my interest instead of his. I try to remember that one can’t feel the same way all the time, and he’s going to go in and out of the role normally.

Eh, I understand the frustration of watching them get bored when you want the focused attention. I imagine a round of punishment would do wonders to refocus a wandering sub.

I do compromise :)

This was the only time I’ve ever got him to be a footstool.

The bottom line is, I know he wants to be objectified, and I know I want to do it, but there may be some small part of him that needs stamping down. It’s just that obviously being inexperienced I wasn’t sure if that would be appropriate in this case.

I’m fairly sure some of this has to do with a lack of bondage, so next time we try it I will remember that this helps him stay in role. That is probably it.

If not we need to talk :)

Thanks all for your opinions! It’s interesting you mention the guilt, Her, but I think I know what you mean there. At one stage when I had finished putting clothespins all over pet’s face and then afterwards I thought “What has that achieved?” Hehe.

I think we just need to find our respective comfort zones for some things, still.

Anger would certainly add a charge to things. Or verbal abuse. Even nipple clamps.

Right now I’m trying to focus on adjusting my feelings – if possible – so that I enjoy just being there supporting your feet.

That it didn’t work before may have just been a fluke.

Love You!

I find it odd that you got angry. Why? He was having a normal emotional response. He was still obeying. Why would you get angry at him over that.

I find it odd that you felt punishment was a good reaction. How would that change his feelings? He was behaving correctly. You are punishing him for not feeling the way you want him to feel?

Overt boredom is a sign that someone is bored. Not sure what you mean by “slipping out of role?” What role should they be in other than obeying and receptive to you? You seem to have some expectation that emotions indicate how well you are doing as a dominant.

Sure he wants to try objectification, maybe this isn’t what will push his buttons. Maybe another context would work better. Maybe he’s just tired. Emotions are fickle and weird things. I think getting angry, reacting with punishment and somehow thinking this is the first step to a road of anarchy is a bit of an off reaction to a very normal event.

Liz,

Alexandra wasn’t angry or abusive. She was suggesting that conscious anger expressed in punishment might modify my response.

She’s very loving and would never actually abuse me.

You surely misunderstand, Liz. When I say ‘anger’ I mean the psychological will and force that Richard craves from me. Given that my biggest complaint (if you will) from Richard is that I’m not as harsh as he’d like, I don’t see how anybody can think I’m being abusive to him.

Yes, that one time I did feel let down by him. It felt like he wasn’t trying or part of him didn’t want to do it, yet I /know/ that deep down he wants it, needs it. Yes it makes me want to confront that part of him, challenge it, maybe torture it a little.

As far as I can tell that’s what Richard wants and enjoys.

And now I am turned on :)

Alexandra

Boredom sounds good to me.

I dunno; I know that I’m a bit of an elitist and tend to hold “real life” D/s situations as being more admirable and more to be sought than scenes, but if the goal is objectification, then boredom on the part of the objectified should be a sign that you’re doing it right.

If you look into the broad category of transformative experiences, from being a buddhist monk to vision quests to marathon running, you’ll find that they all talk about the neccesity of passing through boredom on the way to reaching the transformed state.
Meditation is boring a lot of the time. Doing katas is boring by the time you’ve done it thirty times that day. Learning to accept the inevitability of that boredom and learning the internal skills to move beyond are key parts of letting go of your previous paradigm.

First you must lose much of what you are before you can become something else.

Gahh! I sound like a fortune cookie. Sorry.
But the point still holds.

I know that for myself, that when my keeper started truly treating me like a pet, the way she treats her cats and dogs, just sitting at her feet for hours as she surfed the web, talked on the phone, chose her outfit for the day, the hardest thing was the process of:
1.) Warning! I’m not Doing Something! I’m not Accomplishing Something! Danger! No Productive Activity!
2.) Wait a minute, isn’t this what I asked for?
3.) Well, yeah (says my inner Puritan) but you’re wasting time. You’re not allowed to do that!
4.) (speaking to inner Puritan) You have GOT to let go.
5.) Okay, now you’ve crossed over into Negligent Waste! Inefficiency! Evil! Evil!
6.) I’m not listening to you. La La La. I’m not hearing you.

And this went on every tine I was collared and “not doing anything” for over a year. It took me that long to realize that what I “was doing” was being Her pet. THAT, however she defined it, WAS my job.

But once you start getting there, what do you fill your mind with?

For me, at least, from that point on, the shift went from anxiety to, yup, boredom. ‘Cause I’d now let go of the old internal tracking system. And only then could I start to build a new one that let me loose enough to, like any normal pet, watch a bug flying around, look at a crack in the ceiling, sniff the air (that can use up half an hour), feel the floor under my bare skin and (here’s the key part) have that be sufficient.
All of the thing I listed above (bugs, cracks, etc.) are activities. But one doesn’t get quiet inside enough to do them until one has passed through hour upon hour of the alternating state of boredom and anxiety.
Most American males simply never learn to be at peace with being in a state of obedient watchfulness, of passive service. This apples to American females to some degree but far more of them still learn as young children to “sit still”, “don’t move or you’ll mess up your nice velvet dress”, and so on. Especially for women from conservative families, they are raised to be much closer to being at peace with lack of action.
But if Richard and you are ever to reach a state of “mature” lifestyle D/s of either the owner/slave or keeper/pet paradigm, the time will have to come when you’ll look down at him, see that he’s bored, and have that be just fine.

-Gulliver

I’m sure Alexandra will have her own response but I’m at loose ends so I’ll give you a quick off the cuff comment in reply:

It may not be clear: we aren’t a lifestyle couple. Alexandra is always first and foremost the person in the world I love the most. A full spectrum of love.

I tend to object to the idea that any sort of consensual sexual expression is more “admirable” than another. Best is what works for the two people involved.

I can zone out and tolerate being stationary (as my body permits). No problem. (But how much static contraction – as the term is – my body can tolerate is probably limited. Of course that is something that can be physiologically trained over a reasonable amount of time.)

Alexandra would prefer that I feel some genuine adoration, pleasure in her control, while I’m serving as her footstool. At least that is my recollection.

And since I’m very masochistic boredom is one of the few training options for us as “punishment.” So once I pass over a boredom barrier we might in our specific case lose something.

Again, I’m not speaking for her. She’ll have her own response.

Gulliver - thanks for the long and insightful reply. I can’t think of anything to comment on as a whole but there are some interesting ideas there.