My Surreal Fantasy Life
• Inner Growth
Since starting hormones I have spent more time with outlandish fantasies of toying with small guys, or becoming a Giantess. It’s not something that’s obsessive but more like an amusing way of passing time or giving my imagination an exotic holiday. Some people count sheep to help them sleep, I sometimes like to squash and destroy little men in a variety of ways. It’s relaxing and vaguely therapeutic.
I don’t think this was born of hatred towards men, though if you know me you’ll know that my childhood was ruined by male-dominant behaviour. I was mocked for being feminine and ‘strange’ and it seems healthy that my imagination would want to redress the balance.
I’ve also heard of therapies involving people defeating their problems with mental imagery. I’ve visualised destroying any number of harmful thoughts by objectifying them and then letting rip.
I love the idea of being destructive.
Richard has commented on how little he connects to this private world of mine, but in reality the core feelings are not so out-of-the-ordinary for our relationship. The key factors of these mental scenes are:
1) Unfairness. I love the unfairness of being large. The guys don’t stand a chance :)
2) Power. Obviously I am more powerful than my imagined playthings.
3) Playfulness. My favourite giantess scenes are playful rather than angry.
These are the same feelings we get from doing bondage and BDSM. It’s just that my imagination likes to leave the realm of possibility every now and again to explore these feelings on different levels.
So yes. I can be a little eccentric, and I can understand why Richard doesn’t relate to these thoughts of mine, since he is mostly interested in keeping sexual fantasies ‘doable’. But I was surprised when he said I may as well be talking about sticking some random object up my butt and doing a raindance. (This is not a criticism, dearest).
Connecting to some absurd fantasy-land sadism is only going to feed my real life sadism. In exercising my imagination with the helpless guys in my head, I can get ever more acquainted with my sadism, which means more fun for my real life worshipper.