Pet Talk
• Inner Growth
In a recent email Richard has explained to me how having me talk to him in a very general sense about our relationship as owner/pet every once in a while may help him get into role. Although I obviously talk to him, I have often wished I could find it in me to just ramble on about what is basically obvious, stereotypical Domme talk. Is almost asif it’s so obvious that I felt too self-conscious about saying it.
There is a part of me I’m sure that would love to explicitly state the obvious, to hear the dominant music in the words I use to remind my slave of our respective status. But despite my obvious sexual dominance, I have had perculiar fleeting problems with vocal confidence in the past - for example I went through a period of low self-esteem before finding myself where my voice almost shrivelled up at certain times (usually when I wanted it the most).
This reminds me of one of my first experiences with a submissive man. I was very much enjoying the physical aspect of causing him pain and controlling him, but I was hardly vocalizing at all apart from when I needed to (such vocalizations are automatic). He begged me for some verbal violence and it took a fair bit of courage to muster it (it makes me laugh to think of how silly I felt at first). Before long I had no problem with the verbal venom.
Now there is the other end of the spectrum. To be confident in expressing the profound, as opposed to the profane. It took me longer than Richard was expecting to even tell him that I loved him. Loving somebody confidently is not just a feeling but also a skill, but thankfully it’s easily learned in the right environment.
What we both need now is for me to be able to give the D/s equivalent of a sustained expression of love. Obviously I’m comfortable with suggesting that he submit, or that he might like to; but I know I can get more fluent with it and therefore be more verbally powerful. This would basically mean more play and less thinking “why did we wait so long for any kinky fun?”
The last few years of my life has been like unblocking channels, one after the other. Inhibitions have been tracked down and hunted one by one like my very own psychic outlaws. To be honest I don’t think I would be where I am today with this progress if it wasn’t for my knight in shining armour, so I’m confident he’ll be just as encouraging with this as I learn to use my voice more to talk him down the road I like.
Comments
If I remember aright you warmed to bondage when you saw the effect that has on me. And if you see a few words help me get past my barriers - sometimes really just needing a bit to reorient myself I know the words will flow readily.
You once said something like “you know we both want it” - I can’t recall the context - but those very simple five words struck me as powerfully as anything could.
Posted by: Richard | October 4, 2006 4:05 PM