Retrospective Pleasure and Realization
• Inner Growth
The first time I held a flogger and the first time I caused pain and had a guy suffer beneath me are examples of times when the full sweep of the event, or at least a sizeable proportion of it, revealed it’s-self to me.
It dawned on me a while ago that some events took time to appreciate, at least in the very beginning. The first time I was on the receiving end of shoe worship I don’t think my brain was really ready to fully refine the experience into pleasure, even though I was very happy to have one of my fantasies fulfilled.
Looking back, at the time, being Dominant was something that had mostly lain dormant within me, and which I had only just begun to explore. Even something that in my mind had been very sexy and powerful, having my shoes tended to, almost disappointed me in the way it made me feel on one level.
It makes sense that over time one adapts and incorporates an activity or fantasy into one’s psyche. I began refining the scenario, making it more personal by asking my pet to gaze up into my eyes, and as I made the scene more personal, it became more erotic.
Some of my biggest and most moving moments with Richard have been like this. Though obviously, as I am more experienced now, I get a heavier response to any given act; but over time, some things seem to sink in and just get more wonderful inside my mind.
A good example of this would be the time pet cried after finally getting to worship my boots. It was a very moving experience for me but it seems every time I revisit it in my mind I get more and more from it. The more my Dominance grows, the greater the extent to which I can appreciate it, and future recurrences of it.
Then there are events like the buying of the collar, which to be honest completely went above me compared to the level of importance I place on it now. In some ways I look back and feel like I truly didn’t know what I was doing!
[Needless to say, we are going to have a proper collaring ceremony this time!]
Going even further back, when I first decided to try Dominance, I made a Yahoo! profile where my occupation was “Slave trainer”. At the time I had no idea how to train a slave, or even which particular things one could appreciate about the act of slave training (apart from the idea that I somehow wanted to do it in the future).
All I had was the one intent that moves us forwards and paves the way for things to come.