A Time Capsule
• Our relationship
A couple of days ago I found a saved chat between me and pet. It’s from around the time probably after the first visit and I’m amazed at how much our relationship has come since then.
Early on virtually everything about our relationship was up in the air, and it shows in this text. I don’t really enjoy reading it because it lacks a certain harmony. Mostly I was amazed by how much of a barrier I was putting up to his submission.
There is some talk of me being angry that Richard has written something about his penis potentially or symbolically leading him astray. Lots of uncomfortable negotiations and lack of trust on my part. We were both damaged in different ways yet co-existing
Luckily, none of our arguments ever lasted very long. There’s very little friction, if any, between us these days. I’ve explained to Richard how starting this relationship has been like peeling back layer after layer of blockage, to the point where it’s hard to hide the tears or work out if they are pain or joy.
Taking hormones and anti-androgens has also calmed my mind down. I literally feel I can catch my thought-processes forming and change them since I started my pills. I found it very hard to trust anyone but I’m glad that pet persisted with the ordeal!
Some things pet said to me that I wish I had paid more attention to back then:
There are times when it is best for you to just take what you want and not give a damn about me. Youll be giving each of us what we need. If I ever feel violated in some way and this is very unlikely with you then I will tell you in aftercare. Or if I ever feel threatened Ill do like the night I was too scared to enter the closet. But I guess it is your damn family you may not see the oh there arent the words the profound trust, respect and desire to please you that my submissive side feels. I think that maybe the best thing you could give me as your slave and to yourself is to see your ability and competence and demand what you want.
And one I keep with me at all times now:
There have been times I wished I could just become this two dimensional thing you stood on.
Keep on trucking ;)
Comments
No one could be more wonderfully understanding about my symbolic “straying” - getting those fantasies out of my system. Few women could’ve accepted that.
The longer we are together the richer and more fluid everything becomes. We have a wonderful multilayered relationship, embracing so many things. Single evenings for which I’ll be forever grateful.
And the joy of loving you and being loved by you.
Posted by: Richard | January 17, 2007 1:19 AM
Thanks honey. I love you lots xxx
Posted by: Alexandra | January 17, 2007 1:47 AM
I have been following your relationship on and off as I took care of mine. I am happy that yours has blossomed into something beautiful. How I wish I could say the same thing about mine. The distance, the cultural differences, the age gap, all these added to the weight our relationship had to carry. Nevertheless I am happy for you and Richard. :)
Posted by: Coldfemale67 | February 6, 2007 1:15 PM
Thanks :) It’s always nice to know you have readers, especially female dominants since we are obviously the best ;)
Long distance relationships are tough. That you are still together must say something about how you feel for each other. Sometimes Richard and I don’t see eye to eye but thankfully we’re both reasonably good at getting things settled, and we have a lot of patience for each other.
I saw your latest weblog entry you are having some problems with matters of religion. Thankfully neither of us believe in the Bible/Jesus gig and Richard doesn’t even believe in God whereas I have a tentative abstract concept of one.
Sometimes a difference in opinion can provide a welcome friction to the relationship dynamic.
I hope you manage to settle your differences and if you want to get anything off your chest Richard and I are always willing to listen.
Thanks for the well wishes and I hope you find happiness soon!
Posted by: Alexandra | February 6, 2007 10:00 PM