Lapse
• Our relationship
It seems like forever since we did anything kinky, which is a shame because usually when we get ‘round to playing, the general consensus seems to be “why didn’t we start earlier”.
But the problem is that life is complicated and not always logical. I have physical problems associated to gender dysphoria, and depressive ghosts from my past; Richard has sleeping problems which can leave him tired sometimes.
The net result is that there are periods where we still have kinky desires but they are less frequent(ly brought to the surface) and therefore coincide less often or not at all. For example I began feeling dominant at Midnight during one of our weekends, but by then Richard had been up a long time and didn’t have the energy to reciprocate.
We both feel guilty of letting the other down a little. Since it is almost always me that initiates kinky stuff I initially felt pressurized, until I decided that that response is destructive - especially to easing into a dominant mindset.
Richard also wishes he could initiate more by asking if I want to play or by mild displays or expressions of submission, but he has his own reasons for finding this difficult, and in some periods when I am down or bothered by something, he is reluctant to try.
Hopefully we will get a few chances to play and experiment more before I have to go back to the UK in a couple of weeks, since then all both of us will have is our imagination.
Comments
I have recently had lapses in playing myself but finally started to speak up and even slightly plead with Sir to play. Even though I am a Switch, I find that I do have difficulty in asking for play because I do not want to bother anyone nor do I want it to seem like I am applying too much pressure.
I do have others that I play with, but only a few of them do I allow to Top me since I space so far out I am quite vulnerable. However, Sir has a way of making sure I get to that nice space just about everytime and knows my reactions far better than anyone else.
Now that I have started to speak up a bit, I have some play scheduled next week with a very good friend who is also a Switch (you beat my back, I’ll beat yours LOL).
Another way to look at it is that the time in between makes that interaction even more special, a treasured moment if you will.
Posted by: Ms Rose | May 24, 2006 4:32 PM
Thanks for sharing :)
Wish I could think of something more in-depth to follow up with than that, but my brain is shot right now.
Oh, and I’m coming to the conclusion that switches have to be the luckiest of all kinksters.
Posted by: Alexandra | May 24, 2006 9:45 PM