Sensual Sadist

This was my reply to a thread discussing the possibility that the submissive is in fact the one who has the ‘upper hand’ or calls the shots in a relationship. It turned out so long I figured it deserved to be an entry.

I’m not Superbitch but I honestly believe a lot of men who label themselves submissive are ANYTHING but submissive.

Most are probably just fetishists who perhaps wish they could be submissive but really aren’t. A common misconception is that submissiveness is a path of weakness which is easy to tread.

Another factor is that women seem (at least) to have more control over their sex, and tend to feel a moral responsibility to use whatever power they have for good. That is a gross generalization as I’ve found a lot of nasty pieces of work called women, but it stands true for those who are morally strong and inclined for the greater good.

And do not mistake the above paragraph for female superiority rhetoric. I think women are better sometimes at not letting desires take over, for example, whilst men and women have fetishes, more men get trapped and sexually limited by said fetishes than women do. Not inferiority so much as simple biology. Men and women often need eachother to feel whole and balance. They have different strengths and weaknesses.

Yes?

If I think Richard needs something for his emotional/sexual/spiritual health, I’m not going to hoo-hah about giving it to him just because it might mean I’m running around to please him. Just because I prefer the Dominant role it doesn’t mean I’d begrudge him something he needs.

Perhaps sometimes men do have more of these ‘needs’ than women. This gives us a chance to help but also an opportunity to be in control as well.

There is service in Dominance and there is strength in submission and endurance, so the two mirror eachother recursively in that respect. My view is that the two are very similar and based on a similar thing (possibly scars from the past involving power issues - but I’m not sure exactly). If you accept the “we are all one” theory (asin, our relationship to other people tells us about our relationship with ourselves), all sadism is masochism and vice versa.

I honestly don’t believe that Richard controls our erotic adventures, and I think he especially has taken considerable measures to make sure that doesn’t happen. He wants the submissive space. It is based on my wants and needs but naturally I learn to like things that Richard likes because he mainly likes things which increase my power and his submission, and I like the effect they have on his brain so ‘the end justifies the means’. You give a little so you can reap it back :)

If he’s helping me, why cut off my nose to spite my face and get in the way over some power squabble. Seems childish to me - I’ve noticed most of the most revered Dommes love to hear their sub’s fantasies and know what pushes their buttons. Is it because they’re natural sexual servants? Noooooo chuckle. It’s obvious really if you think about it.

Outside of the D/s canon we see eachother as equals and it’s that which I think encourages us to talk and do a lot of planning for our sexual adventures so that they run smoothly for both of us.