Sensual Sadist

I’ve had both sadistic and masochistic thoughts during the course of my life, and I don’t feel any particular sense of shame about it, because I’ve never hurt anybody that didn’t want it - which is more than I can say for a lot of people.

However, I’ve heard a lot of psychologists talk about the power of visualization. That is, if you imagine yourself to be successful, you will slowly become more so. By the same token, if you imagine yourself to be worthless, your self-esteem will slowly shrivel. I have to say I can at least partly agree with this, since your outlook is a definate factor in shaping your reality.

But kinky people are also becoming more accepted by psychologists as people who are not ill, but perfectly healthy, if a little, well, kinky. Certainly the stereotypes and myths of socially inept weirdos are crumbling.

So is it ‘bad for you’ to imagine yourself as a worthless slave?

My way of looking at it is something along the lines of a rollercoster. A rollercoaster threatens to smash you to pieces by undermining your safety. You’ll be flung around, spun in circles, you’ll see huge drops and feel vertigo, but you know the coaster will stay on the track. And so it is with D/s or a sadomasochistic fantasy. You feel the danger, the symbolic threat to your survival (being undermined or made to feel worthless), yet you know that it’s a fantasy, or if it’s not, that the person inflicting the torture really cares about you, and is doing it for your benefit.

So to answer the question - Yes it could be dangerous. When I had my initial masochistic fantasies many years ago, I had low self-esteem and disliked myself in many ways at the time. I would say my fantasies were dangerous and to be discouraged. I’d urge anyone in this position to stop! Write to me if you have to, I may be able to help. But do not beat yourself up (or allow others to) because you really feel you deserve it. The slaves who text me “Fat lump to kick about” as an introduction (yes, that happened a few times) were really quite startling.

Richard, on the other hand, seems to just get happier and happier the more I torment him. He doesn’t have any emotional troubles or feel bad about anything, yet he’s the most insatiable masochist I’ve ever come accross.

So really I would say, look inside of yourself. You will probably know if your fantasies are harming you or not - though fetishes can become so addictive that you may not want to know.

[Please note that all views expressed on this site are only my opinion - I have not studied psychology enough to be an authority. If in doubt, consult a professional]