Mutual Slump
• Setbacks
Things have been quiet with our kink life for perhaps the last couple of weeks. This has happened on and off in the past and has made Richard irritable and desperate. These days he says it doesn’t bother him much and I’m not sure if that’s cause for concern or relief.
I’m not ‘to blame’ for this but I certainly feel responsible. I’ve been distracted by a host of problems such as irritated legs and arms and a prickly feeling from shaving (this seems to randomly happen for a while and then leave me for weeks), emotional troubles to do with my family back in the UK and my unsure fate in the not-too-distant future. At times I have been teary and emotional. And then there are Richard’s ex’s pets who still haunt the house, the main source of distraction for me here is the oldest dog who is forced to live an undignified (and often noisy) life because his owner won’t spend the money to have her taken to the vet. She also has a psychic bond with Richard as her caretaker - he knows when she needs to go out etc. and can often feel like a slave to her.
On Richard’s side of the equation he has been coming home very tired a lot of the time, mainly because the air conditioning at work has broken. He faces some of the same emotional and financial worries that I do, and of course, he worries that I may be worrying. A recursive feedback loop of sorts.
The result of this is that most nights we just cuddle. Nothing wrong with that but we both know we want more. The times when I am feeling dominant, I sense Richard is too exhausted to play. Occasionally I have gone into ‘soft domination’ only to have something not be right and turn me off. Though we’ve thought about exploring scenes where he’s tired, without a pre-arranged erotic context it feels to me like it wouldn’t work. Richard has come from a sexually deadening relationship and my nurturing side wants to do the right thing more than my dominant side wants to, well, dominate. Forcing him to be submissive when he perhaps isn’t ready for it or doesn’t want to could be damaging at this stage.
Anyway, tomorrow we will have almost four whole days to spend together and I’m confident we’ll finally have some kinky fun. Doing erotic dominance in a monogamous relationship can be tricky at times, compared to those people you arrange to meet purely for sleazy dominant fun. But few people have the rare psychic and sexual connection Richard and myself do. We mustn’t complain.
Comments
That I’m not more irked by our lack of play has worried me. It may be better to feel hunger than simply accept things and let the desire fade. As you’ve pointed out I need to be open when I want to surrender to you.
I woke up Sunday chagrined with myself that I hadn’t asked you to put on a pair of sexy shoes. I felt that Saturday night I might’ve been at just the right level of tiredness to see how that would work between us. But it as an after the fact idea.
I certainly hate to think of your own desires being frustrated. One of the reasons I’ve thought about doing more practice sessions is that they can easily go from practice to ‘real’ D/s. And help us better learn each other’s triggers. I don’t think I’m nearly as good at detecting some of your moods as you are mine.
We do have lots of harmony. I’m sure that over time we’ll find everything flowing more smoothly.
Posted by: Richard | July 4, 2005 1:11 PM
Many times we feel life as it is, and we don’t have the energy to get through the day.Mistress has learned it is not her job to fulfill my needs.I want to submit and she only needs to accept it and help me know her needs and help me to understand how to serve her better.If I am a true submissive this will fulfill my needs.My joy comes from being useful to her.A long day for her and she may need the worlds greatest massage.Before, she would say no you are tired too.Now she gives me a chance to serve and please her.I am a man and I don’t need to be in the mood,I only need a place.Men are on a lifelong mission to find orgasms and as many as possible.I gave my orgasms to her and over time she knows I mean it.This frees us both from the game.She wants to because she is energized and then watch out.I can’t pick and choose,I must be ready at any moment.If I want sessions I could kiss ass,work hard,do all of the extras then I would deserve sex.On the other hand I could find joy simply pleasing her and giving her what she needs,then if she has energy she may or maynot want to play.Women don’t enjoy naked guys with big dripping hard cocks,following them around pretending to please.Women do enjoy men striving to meet there needs and then telling them to strip and crawl over here.It sounds crazy but she is the one in charge and you must submit to her terms or it isn’t real submission.To make a slaves day let him serve,never feel pitty or feel like you are asking for anything he doesn’t long to give.If you want him to feel his slavehood,tell him to bring a silver tray and kneel in front of you.Watch him touch himself and orgasm on the tray.Then have him clean the tray,every drop.I personally do not like the taste or thought of this,but I am honored to be able to show my obedience to her.She sometimes never does anything but tell me to put the tray away.However, this is a wonderful gift to help him feel his slavehood and it takes little effort from Mistress.Once she told me to wait one half hour after she was asleep and do this,it was powerful because we both knew it would be done.Most of life is vanilla,stressful,”the rut”.With a little insight as to what we both need,life can be very unpredictable and that is a good thing.
Posted by: Dave | July 9, 2005 11:34 PM
I am a Dominant Woman who is about to collar her first submissive. We are a romantic couple who will be moving in together (tomorrow). I wanted to tell you that I go through some of the same “slumps” as you. I want to be the one in control at all times and want to be served the way I want it at all times. BUT, I am a woman first and a Domme second. We are caregivers and nurturers by nature. For your Mistress to not want to ease some of your stress would be going against her nature. In time everything just works out. Love and mutual respect are more important than whose on Top (so to speak). I wish you all the best.
Posted by: Stacey | October 14, 2006 9:17 PM